Not good, great!

Jackson had an amazing first day! Greg, the girls, and I all took Jackson to school. We got there, said hello to his teacher, found his seat, and I sat with him until it was time for us to leave. He was all smiles! When we picked him up he was beaming! He was talking so fast and so much I wondered if he could breathe! He jumped out of bed this morning and said he was ready for school. I know this year is going to be great!

I still am a little apprehensive. I worry since we as parents never see the teacher. It was such a luxury having so much communication a private school. The student/teacher ratio was so much smaller that the teachers actually had time to visit with the parents. I am still the Mom that is going to walk him in everyday, not drop him at the door. I will still be at the door everyday when he comes out. Most of all I still will be the Mom who is always involved with his behavior/academic progression. I feel so blessed to have all the benefits that pre school has given Jackson! His confidence, maturity, self esteem, and eagerness to learn I owe to pre school.

I have had an over pouring amount of support from other Moms, so many who parent their children the same, and even from one’s who don’t (who understand). You have to do what works for you and your child and that varies with each family. Thanks to all my friends who have been on this journey with me the last few weeks XOXO! Happy 2011-2012 school year!

Big Day!

Last night I had trouble sleeping. I have so much anxiety as we prepare to send our baby boy off to Kindergarten. I can’t believe how fast the last five years have gone. I started thinking I should have done this more and I should not have done that. Truth be told, I don’t want to do this! I think it is ridiculously long day, 7 hours for a 5 year old! Up until two days ago he still took a nap every day.

BUT Jackson is so excited to go back to school. He is my child who thrives on structure. Everything has a time and a place! After being home for one week with no set schedule I was not sure we would make it through the summer. He is so confident and so ready it is hard to be sad, but I just am. Will his teacher love him as much as his last, probably not possible. Will he make friends, will he be scared, will he do well, and the list can go on.

I just want to keep him close forever and this is a huge step for all of us. Truth be told I am intimidated as well going in not knowing anyone. I decided to be room Mom so I can get to know other parents and the faculty. I plan to be at the school every Friday while Ava is at preschool and Lily Grace is with a sitter. I just want to be involved as much as I can and never lose the connection we have. Why does this feel like I have to let go so much just to send him to Kindergarten?

I truly felt God’s presence as the priest prayed over all the children this morning. I know just like with everything else, he is with us. Jackson is a great kid and has a great foundation. I have no doubt he will be a leader and succeed. More than anything I know the years are about to fly by even faster and I am just not ready for that!

Jackson Thomas you are amazing! You are a gift and I am so lucky to have been called to be your Mommy. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much! I can’t wait to hear about your first day! Go getem baby, Godspeed!

XO
Mommy

I will report back on his first day

8 months

What a difference 8 months can make!

2010-2011

Pics are from the first day of school and the last



Sweet Ava Bear you had your end of the year program today. It was your first year of pre school. Today was one of my very proud Mommy days. You were just a baby, barely 2 years old when the school year started. You have blossomed into this beautiful little girl. You are so confident, full of personality, and beauty. You are so funny and very independent. At just two years old you are a leader, kind, and very gentle. You love clothes, shoes, jewelry, and your nails painted. You have been asking and asking to start dance so I think that is what your summer activity will be. You are a performer for sure! Dream big baby girl and never give up! We are always behind you 100%.
XOXO
Mommy

Two year ago when my phone rang at 7:30 am and my Dad was on the other line I knew it could not good. I do not think you can ever be fully prepared to hear someone has been called to be with Jesus.
My Grandma had been sick with her dementia (among many things). She was not her self. She was explosive and mad at everyone. I remember talking to her and she told me I did not care about her, I never did, and I was never there for her. I don’t know what I would have done if that would have been our last conversation. I was supposed to go see her for Mother’s Day, but my Dad and I decided it would not be good for me or for the kids. I did not talk to her for a week and on actual Mother’s Day my Dad said she was doing great. I called her right away and she was so happy. My Aunt and Uncle were there, she went to the mall, dinner, and was feeling great. I was feeling really guilty for not going to see her. We talked for about 15 minutes and she said she would talk to me later in the week since she had a house full of people. If I had only known that would have been my last conversation with her, I would have said so much more. I am so grateful she was so happy in her last days. Some say that is a sign the end is near, she was at peace. I will for ever thank God that my Dad called me that to call her that day.
There are all those things that a person thinks about once they are faced with a death. I should have said this and I should have done that. I know we had a special relationship and I know she knew that. I went to see her often; of course I wish I would have gone more. I wish I would have told her how I felt instead of just “knowing” she knew. My Grandma loved me. I can say that several people love me, but her love was different. She loved me at my worst and she loved me at my best. She loved me when I was angry, bitter, and making bad choices. Her love NEVER had any conditions. She always stood up for me and stood behind me. She always believed in me and never gave up me. I knew know matter what she would always be there for me. She was my biggest fan and she was so proud of me. I wonder if I will ever experience again in my life time the kind of relationship we had. I only hope that I can offer what she gave me to my kids and grand kids. She always said I was going to miss her when she was gone. I knew I would, but I never knew how much. I think about her every day, she has a way of always making her presence known lol. Truth be told I love it, I never ever want to forget what we had.

My sweet children

Jackson you still talk about her. You often include her in your nightly prayers. You know she is for ever your guardian angel and you still have memories of going to see her. I love that you talk about her and we will continue to do that so you hopefully hold on to your memories. She loved you and she loved Ava so much. She was so excited for me to have a girl. She never got to see you Lily Grace, but I know she was with me every step of the way. I remember closing my eyes in a room full of people in my delivery room, opening my hand, and feeling hers. I pray that I can give each of you what she gave me.
Today we will celebrate, celebrate the anniversary of her life. Time goes so fast and I feel like I blink and it is a new day, month year. Today I feel like the last two years with out her have been an eternity.

XOXO
Mommy

Song by and Listen if you have a minute hamiltonhomeof4.blogspot.com
Crystal Lewis

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy over your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

Jackson's thoughts on Mommy

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
I love you

2. What makes mommy happy?
when I smile

3. What makes mommy sad?
when I get a spanking

4. How does mommy make you laugh?
when you tickle me

5. What do you think mommy was like a child?
you wore a bow

6. How old is mommy?
20

7. How tall is mommy?
really tall

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
have fun

9. What does your mommy do when your not around?
stay awake

10. If your mommy becomes famous what would it be for?
Being a Mommy

11. What is your mommy really good at?
writing words

12. What is your mommy not very good at?
I don't really know

13. What does your mommy do for her job?
stay home with us

14. What is your mommy’s favorite food?
Vida Loca

15. What makes you proud of your mommy?
being good

16. What do you and your mommy do together?
ride bikes

17. How are you and your mommy the same?
because we love each other

18. How are you and mommy different?
we eat different food

19. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
Y (YMCA)

20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
because you hug and kiss me

Mother's Day 2011

It is two days before Mother's Day and I enjoyed Mother's Day tea with both Jackson and Ava. As we were driving down the road yesterday Ava says to me, Mommy you are my best friend I love you".

I pray you always feel that was sweet girl. You adore me and I adore you. You are so affectionate and I love your snuggles.

Jackson your class party melted my heart. Your whole class signed in sign language I love you Mom.

Thank you sweet little's for everything you bring to my life!

XOXO