Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Thank you God for the power of prayer and thank you all for praying for me! I did not throw up all day yesterday or today! I still feel sick, but have kept food down. Just that alone has lifted my spirits so much!! I got on the scale this morning and I have lost 10 pounds! I am ready to dig into some Mexican food, but don't think my body is quite ready! I am taking it slow! My girl friend picked up Jackson form school and let him play at her house and today took him to gymnastics. That also lifts my spirits since I don't feel as guilty for him watching TV all day. He asked me today, Mommy how you feeling you look better. I am going to try and get out to take him to his swim lesson and come right back this after noon. I am just going to take it slow. Anyway if I would have known complaining to all of you would help me start getting better I would have done it ten days ago!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Almost to week 10

I am not sure I have ever felt this helpless. Today is day 8 of throwing everything that goes into my mouth with the exception of maybe a few things. I have been eating toast, bananas, and gaterade for the last three of four. I have lost 7 pounds so far. I have extreme fatigue, head aches, and dizziness. I called my Dr on Friday and told her what was going on. She said I most likely had a virus since I have horrible diarrhea as well. Sorry for all the details, it is just where I am at. I called her again yesterday to touch base since this is still going on. They never called back so I went into the ER for some fluids. It made my body feel so much better, but the nausea did not stop. I have been on zofran and it is not helping at all. They Dr said I had what is called HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARIUM which is fancy for excessive throwing up during pregnancy. She did not say anything about my other problem. I got some fluids and was on my way. I can not leave the house since I am unable to control the vomiting or diarrhea. I got out for 40 mins yesterday and I was so exhausted when we got back I thought I was going to pass out. I find it absolutely impossible to take care of my children, my house, or myself. I have no one to help me during the week which makes it very challenging to say the least. Jackson has spent a lot of time in front of the TV and Ava in her pack n play screaming. Jackson told me this morning he does not want another baby. He does not like that I am sick all the time. I feel so bad for him and for Ava. My Mom comes home Thursday and I am thinking about taking the kids and moving in with her until I am better. I don’t see any other choice. Please pray for our family. I know we will get through this, but my mental status is starting to suffer greatly!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Everyone always says when you are trying to hide from the hurt, stay busy. I mean does it really work? Can you really hide from it? Eventually it will catch you! I consider myself a pretty busy person. I have two kids, swim lessons, Little Gym for Ava, pre school for Jackson, play dates for the kids, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, being a wife, Dr’s appt (I could go on and on), and add on top of that pregnant. I think about my Grandma every single day. There is always something that triggers a memory of her and then kids cries, a diaper needs to be changed and I am on the go. Staying busy has really put it in the back on my mind until recently. I have been so sick and had a lot more down time. I miss her so much. The more time that passes the more I miss her. I refuse to except that she really is gone subconsciously and it helps! Well I guess most of the time. My life just feels so empty with out her. I feel like such a huge part of me is missing. I used to call her every Sunday and I miss talking to her so much. I was getting in the shower today thinking of the holidays. My mind automatically thought when will we go to Louisiana and then quickly I told myself she is not there. I am sure everyone does this, but I just wish I would have had one last day with her. I was supposed to go Mother’s Day week end and we didn’t. I wanted to be fair to my Mom and Greg’s Mom. She died the next day and all I can think is WHY, why didn’t I go? We will have many more years with our Mom’s and it was my last chance to be with her. I miss her, I miss her a lot. She was the best part of my life. She was consistent, unconditional, non judgmental of me as a person, and loved me more than I have ever been loved. My heart, my mind, my body aches with out her. Treasure your moments with those special in your life.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

9 weeks

I went to the Dr today and.... yep I am pregnant!! I had no concerns that this baby was healthy since I have been so sick. I have been throwing up a lot. I was kind of concerned by my lack of energy since it has been so extreme. I also have been having some blurred vision, been light headed, and dizzy. My assumption was right. My blood pressure is low most likely from dehydration since I can't keep anything in me. She gave me some stronger nausea medicine so I am praying that will help. Other than that things look great. I will go back October 22nd. If you look at the (oops) upper right side of this picture you will see two plus signs. In between those are a blob, that is the baby! Baby Due Date is April 22nd

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Got milk

Pregnancy has definitely hit me. I have morning, day, and night sickness like I have never had it before. I find it hard to have the energy just to get up and get everyone dressed much less get out of the house. Yesterday I just decided to stay in and do nothing. My friend came and took Jackson to go play which was really nice. The extreme fatigue and horrific nausea is really getting to me. I have been kind of a hermit and I find myself getting really down in the dumps. It has been so hard to go to the gym, this past week I only went twice. My heart is screaming with envy watching all my running friends continue to reach the goals we all were aiming for. My body just does not have it in me right now. I am praying that in a few weeks I will hit my second trimester and be able to get back to some routine. Our house is ciaos!! On average I have about 6 loads of laundry at one time and I just can’t seem to stay on top of it. I must say the third time is a charm because Greg has really been stepping up this last week. He made dinner twice, had his first trip out of the house ever with both kids, been to the grocery store, mopped, and vacuumed. We have decided to rehire our cleaning lady every other week until I start to feel better which is heaven sent! I have my Dr’s appointment Tuesday so I will update once I go. I don’t you can relate or even begin to understand unless you have had a hard pregnancy. Adding two kids on top of this has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Being 100% responsible for 2 little people when you are so sick is really hard. Ok so here is to a healthy happy second trimester! Oh and my Mom comes back for good after being gone almost a full year in Dallas! She has offered to help which will be great!! Most of you know she is like June Cleaver on speed and I am like June Cleaver on a sedative right now.

Jackson started school and is a thriving little 3 year old. He has a wonderful pair of teachers this year and I could not be happier. It is amazing to see the difference in the teacher can make such a HUGE impact on the child. There is so much positive reinforcement this year that he is so excited to succeed. Last year there was not much enthusiasm or positive feed back. His teacher was great at teaching, but had a very dry and stand offish personality. Jackson would not get close to her until the very end of the year. The second week of school this year he not only hugs, but kisses his teachers good bye. They have such a positive energy about them! He asks every day is it is a school day. His teachers name is Mrs Gaynel and Jackson say Mrs Gay Nayle with the most southern accent you have every heard. Simply precious!

Ava oh AVA~ she is going to give us all a run for our money. She is a pistol! She is so vocal about what she wants or does not want (and not in a pleasant way). She can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. She is into everything and I mean everything! This morning as I type this in the living room she dumped out Jackson milk and was rolling around the kitchen in it. Every time she stood up she would fall back down and she thought that was hilarious. She has already started swatting at Jackson and making sure she gets her way at all times! At our house you will find Jackson saying, Ava no, Ava stop, Ava I am not playing that game with you, Ava that is not acceptable, this is a crazy girl, Mommy COME GET AVA! The girl can eat twice as much as Jackson and she is like a dog. If you have food she comes right up and begs until she gets some. She is walking everywhere and we call her baby Frankenstein since that is what she walks like. I am not banking on her being the sweet, angelic, graceful girl.

I have not taken any pictures recently, but I will get some sent out this week!

Monday, September 7, 2009

A new week

I am starting a new week and I feel much better mentally. I am not 100% there yet, but we are having a baby! I have until April to get ready so I am happy with where I am after a week. I am no longer depressed or crying so that is a plus! We will make it work and in the end I know it will be great. It is just getting to the end. I am having a hard time with now/today. I know God has given us a gift, a true blessing. I am going to embrace it. Once I let go of what I had planned for my life I instantly felt better. I feel so blessed for all the support I have received over the last week. I have so many people reach out and I am so grateful for my support group. Being there for someone is not always about agreeing with how they feel, yet still loving through is what it is about. I have amazing family and friends and I love and thank everyone of you who took time to reach out to me. I got to spend the week end with my sisters in Dallas. Those two always have a way of making things better! We had a great time minus my lack of energy. I will update more on that later.

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' (Thanks Carmen)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Precious Moments

Daddy to Jackson....Jackson we are going to have a new baby
Jackson to Daddy....oh man, ok but I am really going to miss Ava

I love that kid!


So 48 hours ago I thought I was going to have the best year of my life. I was going to get down to my goal weight as I have come so far. I was going to grieve the loss of my Grandma finally and do something in her honor. I was going to run a half marathon. I was going to enjoy my baby's and work on strengthening my marriage. We were going to have HUGE bash for my 30th birthday. We were going to go on a way too expensive trip for our 5 year anniversary. That is just a few of the things that come to my head. So you think I am selfish? I admit I like to be in control. I like to plan and I like structure. It is the only way I can function.
Right now my next year and beyond has been turned up side down. I have no control and I feel like I am in utter chaos. I am sacred out of my mind. I have no idea how this will work or how we will come out of this financially. I am not excited to be pregnant and I am not happy right now. That is just where I am at today and I need people to understand that. I don't want to feel this way and I don't like to feel guilty for it either. I can't seem to stop crying no matter how hard I try.
I do realize a lot of people have trouble getting/staying pregnant. I feel for them I really do. I don't feel though that it has anything to do with where I am at. It is so different from my situation and I hope that those people can feel the same compassion for me that I feel for them.
Next I hear so many about to say God has a plan. I too believe that and I know he will get us through this. With that said I still feel the same way and I pray that God will help me come to peace. I ask for prayers from you for the same. I wish I could just fast forward and be holding our new baby. I know then things will be different.