Saturday, September 26, 2009

Everyone always says when you are trying to hide from the hurt, stay busy. I mean does it really work? Can you really hide from it? Eventually it will catch you! I consider myself a pretty busy person. I have two kids, swim lessons, Little Gym for Ava, pre school for Jackson, play dates for the kids, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, being a wife, Dr’s appt (I could go on and on), and add on top of that pregnant. I think about my Grandma every single day. There is always something that triggers a memory of her and then kids cries, a diaper needs to be changed and I am on the go. Staying busy has really put it in the back on my mind until recently. I have been so sick and had a lot more down time. I miss her so much. The more time that passes the more I miss her. I refuse to except that she really is gone subconsciously and it helps! Well I guess most of the time. My life just feels so empty with out her. I feel like such a huge part of me is missing. I used to call her every Sunday and I miss talking to her so much. I was getting in the shower today thinking of the holidays. My mind automatically thought when will we go to Louisiana and then quickly I told myself she is not there. I am sure everyone does this, but I just wish I would have had one last day with her. I was supposed to go Mother’s Day week end and we didn’t. I wanted to be fair to my Mom and Greg’s Mom. She died the next day and all I can think is WHY, why didn’t I go? We will have many more years with our Mom’s and it was my last chance to be with her. I miss her, I miss her a lot. She was the best part of my life. She was consistent, unconditional, non judgmental of me as a person, and loved me more than I have ever been loved. My heart, my mind, my body aches with out her. Treasure your moments with those special in your life.


Colleen said...

I'm sure she is praying for you and your baby daily. Your love for her is so sweet, what a great granddaughter you were to her!