5 months

Where to begin! Things have been so crazy here!! I guess it started the day before Thanksgiving; I started having all my wonderful Crohn’s symptoms again. As it continued I decided Monday after thanksgiving to try and get into a Dr. My OB really wanted me to see a GI Dr and so off I went on Tuesday. Well he was a complete jerk. If you have not heard this story, sorry I can not bring myself to go back to it. It upset me so bad! Basically he told me I was high risk, at risk for miscarriage and I was beyond his practice, and I needed to go some where else. That was after he told me I should have been treated before I thought of getting pregnant. Need less to say I walked out with my mouth on the floor and got to my car and cried. I was so shaken. My OB’s office was appalled and again went over and beyond to help me. They spent all day finding a GI Dr to treat me. My OB saw me Wed and apologized over and over for what I was going through. They got me in with some one Thursday and he was great. He assured me there is not any thing that connects Crohn’s to miscarriage! The only concern at this point is I am again not getting enough nutrition, the baby could be under weight/malnutrition, and it could increase my chance for pre term labor. So he put me back on the steroids this time for 3 months. It has been a hell of a few days as they are not working yet. I know they will so I am looking forward to feeling better. This time he put me on another drug with them. It will help my Crohn’s stay in remission once we get this flare up under control. So I am on a ton of drug for the next 3 months (4 steroids, 8 pentasa, zofran, and progesterone shots). I also am starting progesterone shots this week. I will get them weekly in hopes to avoid pre term labor. Since I started dilating so early with Ava and the other risk of pre term labor my Dr is not taking any chances. I assure you I can not end up on bed rest again this time! These last few months have been a true test of faith. I could not have made it with out it and the help of Greg’s Mom this last week. She came out three days in a row so I could go to three Dr’s appointments (THANK YOU). This week we go back to the high risk Dr for another level two ultra sound. They will check again to see if Lily has any markers for Down’s. I will also see my OB again as he is seeing me every week or every other. Please continue to pray for us as I believe they are what carry us through.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, we sure did!! Jackson is still talking about our Thanksgiving party! We had some of Greg’s family here to celebrate the day and help us eat the enormous amount of food Greg and I made! It was very special for us to start making memories at our house with some of our family! I hope to have many more holidays like this and our doors are always open to all!! SO on that note we will be home all day Christmas Day and hope to see some of you come over even if it is for a short visit!! There will be lots of food I assure you of that!
On another note I am sick again. It all started the day before Thanksgiving, yuck! All of the unpleasant signs of my Chron’s are back! I have been throwing up in the middle of the night too. I called the Dr on Saturday to see if he was on call, but he wasn’t. I called first thing this morning to get back on the steroids if that tells you anything. I am so anti steroids, but I refuse to let it get so bad I end up back in the hospital. I feel like a wet noodle! I have no energy and just want to do nothing. It makes me feel so guilty that I am not out enjoying my kids and doing fun things with them. There have been several days in the last 10 we have not been out of our pj’s..YUCK! I am waiting on a call back from the nurse. I see my Dr on Thursday, but did not want to wait that long to start the steroids. I hope getting on a low does will do the trick with out too many horrible side effects. I figure I would rather gain a lot of weight and have horrible acne than feel the way I do. Plus the meds give me a ton of energy and I get so much done! When you only sleep 4 hours a night there is a lot more time in the day! I have been doing a lot of research and from what I have found Chron’s either stays in remission while you are pregnant or can flare very bad. I guess I was just lucky with my first two! It also says that it is highly unlikely for a flare up to get better until after you deliver. Oh and steroids are really your only option while pregnant. On a positive note I am half way there!! In 19 weeks give or take we will have Lily Grace here with us! I go see my Dr on Thursday and the high risk Dr next Wed. I also get another level 2 ultra sound so we will get to see this pretty girl again!

It's another GIRL!!!

We just got home from seeing the genetic counselor (see previous post). She informed us that if you put 300 babies in a room with Down's half of them would have shown something else (such as clef pallet, fluid in the kidney, heart defect, web feet) on ultra sound. The other half would not. Our baby shows none of those things, but she can not tell us she does not have Down's. She has a half of a percent. She said we would have to decide if the amnio is right for us. I decided to take some time to see how at peace I am with the info we have today. I still feel like I want definite answer so I can prepare and educate myself more if need be. It is just something Greg and I have to decide on our own. Welcome to our family Lily Grace!!

Tomorrow

Life has a funny way of teaching you things! As you all know I had no intentions of becoming pregnant this time. It hit me out of know where and hit me hard. I was at a place in my life where everything seemed perfect. I had two healthy beautiful children, we were recovering financially from several things, I was recovering emotionally from the death of my best friend my Grandma, I was training to run a half marathon, and working on hitting my goal weight by my 30th birthday in December. For once in many many years it was all about me. God had other plans I suppose. It took me several months to deal with being pregnant. It did not help I got so sick I lost 19 pounds in 3 weeks, took a trip to the hospital for a quick stay, and have been on steroids for 3 weeks! I was finally feeling normal again. I am not sick, feeling full of energy, and appreciating the little things. I accepted God had given us a gift. This pregnancy has already made me so aware of so many things. My house will not always be perfect, it will not always be clean, I can not always make it to the grocery store, or make dinner, I won’t always make swim lessons, or Little Gym, and things will not always be prefect. I have learned just to go with the flow as the days go by and enjoy what each day brings me. I feel so much more calm and peaceful as silly as that may sound.
Thursday we were thrown a curve ball when I received a call from my Dr’s office. My blood test came back positive for Down’s syndrome. I felt as if someone was sitting on my chest and I could not breathe. My Dr had Greg and I come in immediately that day so he could give us some facts. He said my test came back 1 in 180 and he personally had never seen anyone with those numbers actually have a Down’s baby. There are false positives all the time. We have an appointment tomorrow with a genetic counselor who will give us more information. We then have an appointment for a level two ultra sound. Half of Down’s baby’s show some kind of mark on ultra sound indicating Down’s (half do not show sign’s). We also have an amnio scheduled and this is the only real way to know. Greg does not want me to have it done as it has a less than 1% chance of miscarriage. It is complete safe procedure, but he is against it. I am for it, if that is what the specialist thinks we should do. I want to know what we are dealing with and I want definite answers. Last night we went to eat dinner and we saw a little girl about 2 with Down’s. I think it was a sign. This child was beautiful, healthy, and her family looked so happy. You could tell the joy she brought to them. I know what ever the out come is God has chosen us for this child and he will lead the way.
So please pray for us. Pray that the Dr’s guide us to a decision we both are comfortable tomorrow and for the health of our baby. We have decided on names as well and will know tomorrow if it will be Brody Michael or Lily Grace.

15 months Ava Bear

Sweet Ava had her 15 month well check today. She was 32 inches putting her in the 97% for height. She weighed almost 25 pounds which puts her in the 80%. She is healthy as can be!!

Yay for GREAT news!!

I just got back from the Dr and I gained 2 pounds!!! He was happy so I am HAPPY!!! The baby had a great heart beat as well. I have to weigh myself every day and if I have any loss call, but other than that I don't go back for two weeks. He may be able to take a peek at the sex then, but if not we have our BIG ultrasound scheduled for Nov 30th. How exciting! I finally feel pregnant and not sick. I think my rounding belly may have something to do with this :). I am ready to enjoy and savor every minute of this last pregnancy I will have. I know God has blessed us in ways I did not understand at first, but now are becoming more clear. Thank you for all the support! Oh and most important the steroids have not turned me into a complete physco yet!! Only 15 days left!!

I am home

I am home and so glad to be here!! I had a good day and kept all food down. They had me on a very high dose of steroids and now switched me to oral one's. My GI Dr wanted me on them for three months and I cried when my OB told me that. He said he re wrote the orders for 21 days. We will see how I do then, I may have to go back on them. We are just going to hope for the best right now and take one day at a time. If you know anything about prednisone (steroids) you know it is NO fun. I am already feeling very irritable and could cry if you asked me too. It makes you a miserable person. I was very hungry this am, but have not seen a ravenous appetite yet, but it will come. I need to gain 12 pounds at least in 21 days. Please just pray that I make it through these 21 days with out too bad of depression or irritability. I also am really hoping my Chron's is not acting up as it has been in remission since I was 17. I see the Dr weekly so he is taking good care of me. I just love him! He is so caring and very compassionate! I know I am in good hands!!

Hospital Stay

I went in to see my Dr today since I am sick yet again. I am down another 3 pounds which makes a total of 19 pounds in six weeks I have lost. So he admitted me into the hospital. For those who don’t know I have Chron’s disease. I have not had any problems since I was 17 or so. It never really crossed my mind that it may be my Chron’s acting up. I saw a GI Dr today while in the hospital and he said my stomach is very tender. It could be the Chron’s, but we have no way to know since they can not do any further testing right now. He wants me on steroids through the IV so I have to stay in the hospital. He said a few days, but my OB said if I have a good night and day tomorrow he will try and get him to switch me to oral steroids so I can go home. The steroids are really a win win with me. Even if it is not the Chron’s it the steroids will help the nausea and help me gain some weight. That is all I know for now.

It's Fall

I can't believe it is fall, maybe because it is so dang hot here!! Today is the first day we all put on long sleeves. Let me just tell you if it drops below 70 everyone in Houston cranks the heaters. OMG every where we went today we were so HOT!! Can you believe Christmas is only two months away? I usually have most of my shopping done and I only have 4 out of 21 people done ahhh!! I am usually anti toys for my kids, but this year is different. Jackson some how became a little boy over night. Instead of toddler toys, he wants big boy toys (and legos those small one's LAWD help us). Ava is always playing with boy toys so it is time we added some babies and pink stuff to our house. We made wish lists at Toys R Us and they are the greatest things ever! Jackson made his on his own and had a great time adding his wants!! I wish everyone would make one of these to make my shopping easier!! We have so much fun stuff coming up. This week end we are headed to Dewberry Farms which is a pumpkin patch. We have family pictures next week end, Dallas the week end after that for Alyssa's bday, and Thanksgiving at our house!! I can't believe I am saying this as I never thought the day would come! We are having a holiday in our very own home AND we have some family coming!! Nothing makes me happier as I would love for our kids to remember holidays in our house verses running all over town to different places!! I can not WAIT!!!! Oh and I almost forgot I got to go with my #1 Baby Boo to his fall field day. Real quick I have to tell you Jackson has always been my Baby Boo and he asked me if Ava was my Baby Boo too. I told him yes, but he is my #1 Baby Boo. He will never let me forget to say #1 before I call him Baby Boo now :). Anyway I will send out the pictures from his fun day at school. I treasure these kind of events with him! I adore him!

Second Trimester

I am feeling much better. I am only throwing up maybe every other day versus every time I put something in my mouth. I lost another 2 pounds as hard I tried to gain (makes a total of 16 lbs). I have never in my life had this problem! I ate before I went, held my bladder, and kept my shoes on err!! He was happy with where I am so YAY!! He said if it gets any worse I must call and go in. If all stays the way it is I don't go back until Nov 12th. I got the best news of all, I get to go back to the gym!!

How cute are they?!!

I don't think I have seen anything cuter! Just a few pics to share!

Thinking baby

Honestly I don't think being pregnant has really sunk in for me. I feel like I have just been really sick for two weeks! I have thought of names here and there, but have not decided on anything. Greg and I have much different taste!! He told me when we found out I was pregnant this time I get to name the baby (yeah right)! We each have a favorite out of these top picks so far. Today is the first day I really seriously thought about it though. There could be many more polls!! HOWEVER one of these names could be for Baby Hamilton. If you choose to participate please vote and leave only NICE comments. I do realize we all don't have the same taste, but this is our baby :). We don't want to hear negative comments! This should be fun!!

http://www.babycenter.com/403_name-baby-hamilton_10737149_13564499213.bc

Copy and paste the link and vote!

11 weeks

What a difference a Dr can make! I feel like I am on a high! Not only did I have my first day of NOT throwing up yesterday, but I got a new Dr! He is AMAZING!! He was compassionate, listened not just heard me, responded, and was actually concerned about me! I have lost 14 pounds in less than 2 weeks!! The only reason he is not starting treatment right now is because I had a good day yesterday. If I lose any more weight this week and continue to throw up he will start me on steroids. That will help kick the nausea and make me hungry! I go back and see him next Thursday. I feel like my body may be turning a corner on its own though. He said my body just is not responding to the increase of hormone levels. Normally is levels off by 13 weeks and I am almost 12. He did say some women have it through out the entire pregnancy, have to be hospitalized, feeding tubes, zofran pumps, etc. He is going to check where I am next week and see where we go. I really feel like I am on the mend. I have half of my stress lifted by just finding a new Dr. His office staff was over the top professional and friendly (what a change from the last Dr I had). The office itself was top notch and all the equipment was new and updated (another change from my last Dr). He seems to be much more established than my last physician. I was very worried about going to a man, but he was very caring. He has four daughters and you can tell, very gentle man! He is very conservative as he was in the navy! He went to Yale and has been around a while. I just feel so blessed to be in good care!! Did I mention his nurses where SO nice?! Our baby looked like it had a huge head and a tiny little body. The picture again looks like a blog because this baby was on the move. It looked like it was doing aerobics!!

It's back!!

The vomiting that is!! It jerked me from my sleep last night about 2am. I am throwing up again today. I have a call into my Dr and I hope I will hear back tomorrow. I called her Monday and never got a returned call. We are looking hire some help for the kids, but that will take a few days. We will also take a MAJOR financial beating with this. Please keep praying!

Today

Thank you God for the power of prayer and thank you all for praying for me! I did not throw up all day yesterday or today! I still feel sick, but have kept food down. Just that alone has lifted my spirits so much!! I got on the scale this morning and I have lost 10 pounds! I am ready to dig into some Mexican food, but don't think my body is quite ready! I am taking it slow! My girl friend picked up Jackson form school and let him play at her house and today took him to gymnastics. That also lifts my spirits since I don't feel as guilty for him watching TV all day. He asked me today, Mommy how you feeling you look better. I am going to try and get out to take him to his swim lesson and come right back this after noon. I am just going to take it slow. Anyway if I would have known complaining to all of you would help me start getting better I would have done it ten days ago!!

Almost to week 10

I am not sure I have ever felt this helpless. Today is day 8 of throwing everything that goes into my mouth with the exception of maybe a few things. I have been eating toast, bananas, and gaterade for the last three of four. I have lost 7 pounds so far. I have extreme fatigue, head aches, and dizziness. I called my Dr on Friday and told her what was going on. She said I most likely had a virus since I have horrible diarrhea as well. Sorry for all the details, it is just where I am at. I called her again yesterday to touch base since this is still going on. They never called back so I went into the ER for some fluids. It made my body feel so much better, but the nausea did not stop. I have been on zofran and it is not helping at all. They Dr said I had what is called HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARIUM which is fancy for excessive throwing up during pregnancy. She did not say anything about my other problem. I got some fluids and was on my way. I can not leave the house since I am unable to control the vomiting or diarrhea. I got out for 40 mins yesterday and I was so exhausted when we got back I thought I was going to pass out. I find it absolutely impossible to take care of my children, my house, or myself. I have no one to help me during the week which makes it very challenging to say the least. Jackson has spent a lot of time in front of the TV and Ava in her pack n play screaming. Jackson told me this morning he does not want another baby. He does not like that I am sick all the time. I feel so bad for him and for Ava. My Mom comes home Thursday and I am thinking about taking the kids and moving in with her until I am better. I don’t see any other choice. Please pray for our family. I know we will get through this, but my mental status is starting to suffer greatly!

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Everyone always says when you are trying to hide from the hurt, stay busy. I mean does it really work? Can you really hide from it? Eventually it will catch you! I consider myself a pretty busy person. I have two kids, swim lessons, Little Gym for Ava, pre school for Jackson, play dates for the kids, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, being a wife, Dr’s appt (I could go on and on), and add on top of that pregnant. I think about my Grandma every single day. There is always something that triggers a memory of her and then kids cries, a diaper needs to be changed and I am on the go. Staying busy has really put it in the back on my mind until recently. I have been so sick and had a lot more down time. I miss her so much. The more time that passes the more I miss her. I refuse to except that she really is gone subconsciously and it helps! Well I guess most of the time. My life just feels so empty with out her. I feel like such a huge part of me is missing. I used to call her every Sunday and I miss talking to her so much. I was getting in the shower today thinking of the holidays. My mind automatically thought when will we go to Louisiana and then quickly I told myself she is not there. I am sure everyone does this, but I just wish I would have had one last day with her. I was supposed to go Mother’s Day week end and we didn’t. I wanted to be fair to my Mom and Greg’s Mom. She died the next day and all I can think is WHY, why didn’t I go? We will have many more years with our Mom’s and it was my last chance to be with her. I miss her, I miss her a lot. She was the best part of my life. She was consistent, unconditional, non judgmental of me as a person, and loved me more than I have ever been loved. My heart, my mind, my body aches with out her. Treasure your moments with those special in your life.

9 weeks

I went to the Dr today and.... yep I am pregnant!! I had no concerns that this baby was healthy since I have been so sick. I have been throwing up a lot. I was kind of concerned by my lack of energy since it has been so extreme. I also have been having some blurred vision, been light headed, and dizzy. My assumption was right. My blood pressure is low most likely from dehydration since I can't keep anything in me. She gave me some stronger nausea medicine so I am praying that will help. Other than that things look great. I will go back October 22nd. If you look at the (oops) upper right side of this picture you will see two plus signs. In between those are a blob, that is the baby! Baby Due Date is April 22nd

Got milk

Pregnancy has definitely hit me. I have morning, day, and night sickness like I have never had it before. I find it hard to have the energy just to get up and get everyone dressed much less get out of the house. Yesterday I just decided to stay in and do nothing. My friend came and took Jackson to go play which was really nice. The extreme fatigue and horrific nausea is really getting to me. I have been kind of a hermit and I find myself getting really down in the dumps. It has been so hard to go to the gym, this past week I only went twice. My heart is screaming with envy watching all my running friends continue to reach the goals we all were aiming for. My body just does not have it in me right now. I am praying that in a few weeks I will hit my second trimester and be able to get back to some routine. Our house is ciaos!! On average I have about 6 loads of laundry at one time and I just can’t seem to stay on top of it. I must say the third time is a charm because Greg has really been stepping up this last week. He made dinner twice, had his first trip out of the house ever with both kids, been to the grocery store, mopped, and vacuumed. We have decided to rehire our cleaning lady every other week until I start to feel better which is heaven sent! I have my Dr’s appointment Tuesday so I will update once I go. I don’t you can relate or even begin to understand unless you have had a hard pregnancy. Adding two kids on top of this has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Being 100% responsible for 2 little people when you are so sick is really hard. Ok so here is to a healthy happy second trimester! Oh and my Mom comes back for good after being gone almost a full year in Dallas! She has offered to help which will be great!! Most of you know she is like June Cleaver on speed and I am like June Cleaver on a sedative right now.

Jackson started school and is a thriving little 3 year old. He has a wonderful pair of teachers this year and I could not be happier. It is amazing to see the difference in the teacher can make such a HUGE impact on the child. There is so much positive reinforcement this year that he is so excited to succeed. Last year there was not much enthusiasm or positive feed back. His teacher was great at teaching, but had a very dry and stand offish personality. Jackson would not get close to her until the very end of the year. The second week of school this year he not only hugs, but kisses his teachers good bye. They have such a positive energy about them! He asks every day is it is a school day. His teachers name is Mrs Gaynel and Jackson say Mrs Gay Nayle with the most southern accent you have every heard. Simply precious!

Ava oh AVA~ she is going to give us all a run for our money. She is a pistol! She is so vocal about what she wants or does not want (and not in a pleasant way). She can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. She is into everything and I mean everything! This morning as I type this in the living room she dumped out Jackson milk and was rolling around the kitchen in it. Every time she stood up she would fall back down and she thought that was hilarious. She has already started swatting at Jackson and making sure she gets her way at all times! At our house you will find Jackson saying, Ava no, Ava stop, Ava I am not playing that game with you, Ava that is not acceptable, this is a crazy girl, Mommy COME GET AVA! The girl can eat twice as much as Jackson and she is like a dog. If you have food she comes right up and begs until she gets some. She is walking everywhere and we call her baby Frankenstein since that is what she walks like. I am not banking on her being the sweet, angelic, graceful girl.

I have not taken any pictures recently, but I will get some sent out this week!

A new week

I am starting a new week and I feel much better mentally. I am not 100% there yet, but we are having a baby! I have until April to get ready so I am happy with where I am after a week. I am no longer depressed or crying so that is a plus! We will make it work and in the end I know it will be great. It is just getting to the end. I am having a hard time with now/today. I know God has given us a gift, a true blessing. I am going to embrace it. Once I let go of what I had planned for my life I instantly felt better. I feel so blessed for all the support I have received over the last week. I have so many people reach out and I am so grateful for my support group. Being there for someone is not always about agreeing with how they feel, yet still loving through is what it is about. I have amazing family and friends and I love and thank everyone of you who took time to reach out to me. I got to spend the week end with my sisters in Dallas. Those two always have a way of making things better! We had a great time minus my lack of energy. I will update more on that later.

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' (Thanks Carmen)

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